Monday, April 4, 2011

The Disconnection

It's all too easy for me to disconnect myself from my blog... my journal is first and foremost my best written friend. However, these days I fill such a disconnection with everything and everyone around me that this long pushed aside entry does not seem irregular. This presence, this feeling... I'm in some sort of living limbo that I cannot seem to escape.

Don't get me wrong... I smile and I find those happinesses that remind you days are worth living but I feel this disconnection. Something, or even perhaps someone, is missing from my life and the void I can deeply feel but cannot deeply see.... it's burning a hole inside me.

Maybe it's the weather... maybe this time of year just does it to me. Everything is blooming, weather is virtually perfect and the pollen of twitterpation raptures through the air, and once again I'm choking on it.

...last year. I cannot believe these insecurities still, a whole year past, they still plague me. How pathetic, how over sensitive, and how emotionally, and sexually, insane I must be.

Here I am... and I am still waiting. Am so disconnected to myself and others all for some ridiculous desire of the heart. And the most insane part is... I'll likely keep waiting.

fuck love